I'm That Mom

I’m that Mom.

Sorry, not sorry.

I love my kid. I love my kid unlike anyone else could ever love her. I took part in creating her. I carried her in my womb for nine months and birthed her after twenty-two hours of labor. I whispered promises and dreams into her ear while holding her tiny infant fingers and have celebrated each and every milestone that she has achieved.

So, when it comes to her health, wellbeing, safety and success – I’m that mom.

Now, let me clarify something here: I am not a helicopter mom. Hovering is not my style – I happily give my child the space that she needs to experience being a kid. She has had her fair share of falls, scrapes, and hurt feelings. That’s life and her father and I have found no reason to shelter her from any of it. Learning to be careful with her person, that things will not always go her way and the concept of having to compromise are life lessons that are necessary for her development.

So, I’m not a helicopter mom, however I am the mom who asks questions. The mom who is involved. The mom who does not hesitate to be an advocate for her child.

See, there are very few people in my life that I trust to any degree (a personal issue, I know), never mind trusting them with my child’s life. Because that is what we do when we leave our child with someone else, right? From daycare to school to babysitters, we entrust our children’s lives to other adults. We have the expectation that when they return to us (or us to them), they will be no worse for the wear. That is a deep level of faith to have in another person, especially one who took no part in bringing the child into the world and is not invested in them on a personal level. So, I’ve never allowed my daughter to be looked after by someone I haven’t researched and felt good about. Basic parenting, right? I also vet the families of the children that she hangs out with and if I were to ever feel uncomfortable with them, I would not allow her to go to their homes. No decision regarding her care do I take lightly.

This is not to say that other parents are cavalier in this respect – from my lens, it just seems like it is easier for most other parents to be okay with these arrangements. And honestly, I feel out of the loop when it comes to these situations because it seems as though there is an unspoken expectation of ‘of course, you would let Ava go for a playdate at Caroline’s house’ and ‘sure, you would allow Katie to sleep over Bella's house’. These are not ‘of courses’ and ‘sures’ to me, especially if I don’t know the families of the children. If I do not know you, I cannot trust you. And I would never willingly put my child in a situation that could lead to her being harmed by an adult in any way, whether it be a friend’s parent or older brother, friend of the family, etc. People do crazy things. The reality is, there are child sex offenders out there. Drug users, as well. And domestic violence is a thing. I would never forgive myself if my child were to suffer any type of trauma because I just went along with the crowd, overriding my parental instincts.

Currently, we are entering the age where parents drop their kids off at parties and play dates and leave. Hanging around is fine but is no longer necessary or expected as the toddler years are a distant shadow in the rearview. If you wish to, feel free to stay and chat it up with the birthday boy or girl’s parents. If not, don’t hesitate to head out and run errands and be back at pickup time.

Naturally, I am easing into this new reality with a great deal of trepidation.

Maybe it’s because my child is an only or because she has a serious food allergy. It’s hard to know at this point. What I do know is that I’m used to being physically present to observe my child at parties and play dates. I enjoy seeing her interact with other kids and observing how she works out any squabbles that come up. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t get peace of mind from being able to scan for any potential safety hazards that may arise and ensuring with my own eyes that the available snacks do not include her allergen. Because it is an absolute fact that no one else is going to look after my kid the way I do. No one else is going to keep an eye on her in a crowded playground like I can to make sure she doesn’t get snatched up, keep track of her in a trampoline park full of people so that she doesn’t get hurt or scrutinize every label of every potential food item that she could put in her mouth. So where does that leave me? Staying at the party with the parents who are hosting and the few other adults with the same hang ups that I have.

Education is also an area that I am super invested in when it comes to my child. I make sure to foster a good rapport with her teachers every year and attend parent/teacher conferences with questions prepared and solicit suggestions for a game plan based on the responses. I pay attention to the units that are introduced in most subjects of the curriculum, and we discuss them at home. Much to her chagrin, I’m the mom who gives the occasional math worksheet and/or additional exercises to reinforce the current lesson, either for general practice or if I see that there is a concept that is not coming easy to her. I strive to encourage her love of learning without putting undue pressure or unrealistic expectations on her.

The realm of entertainment can really be a struggle. Most kids my mini-me’s age are into gaming of some sort and, understandably, the power of electronics is extraordinarily strong. Educational tv shows for kids do exist as well as educational iPad games, but these are no competition for YouTube channels with streams that showcase other people playing video games. And then there’s the draw of gaming devices like Nintendo Switch, Xbox, PS, etc that arguably hold no educational value. Which is fine for a limited amount of time. However, it is extremely easy to let these devices babysit your kids for hours on end. I’ve fallen into that trap before – it was like my kid’s existence depended solely on watching TV (while simultaneously playing on her iPad). We switched up the program when we noticed this dependence and took away electronics completely during the school week, and additionally, we established a set amount of screen time per day on the weekends/school breaks. She can split her time up however she wishes to but when that threshold is met, that’s it. For the remainder of the day, she uses her imagination, gets creative and does some physical activity. There will be plenty of time in her life to be idle, but in these formative years, I want to instill good habits for her to fall back on in the future. So unfortunately for her, I’m the mom who doesn’t want her kid to be mindlessly sucked into a video game or TV for hours on end.

My goals as a parent include keeping my child safe and providing her with the tools she needs to become a successful, capable adult and I’m doing that the best way I know how.

So, yes, I am that mom. And proud of it.