Appearances aren't Everything

I don't look like what I've been through.

“I would never have guessed that!”

“That’s where you’re from?!”

“You’re stronger than you look.”

I receive comments like this whenever I tell people about myself; from small things like the city where I grew up (which had a reputation for being a pretty rough place) to the fact that I’ve been in fist fights before to the domestic plight that I endured in my earlier years. Assumptions that could not have been made by looking at me - slight of stature, polished, unassuming. Those closest to me know my reality.

Yes, I was physically abused as a child.

Yes, I was bullied in school as a child.

Yes, I developed depression and often contemplated self-harm.

Yes, as an adult I developed anxiety and lived with a constant inside voice that berated me at every possible chance.

And no, I don’t look like any of that.

I mean, is there a look that screams “I endured childhood trauma”? That shouts “I’m slowly undoing all the damage that was done to me throughout my formative years?”

I don’t think there is.

What does have a look is strength and determination.

Resilience and drive. The way a person moves with purpose.

I hope that I embody this.

There is also a feel. You can sense when someone has an innate motivation to make it.

I’m striving to make it.

And the thing is, I don’t even know what exactly ‘it’ is. Every stage I reach, I’m eager to get to the next one. To reach higher and achieve more. Not for anyone else but me. To prove to myself that I can. That I’m more than a product of a broken home. More than where I came from and the lies that I was told about myself.

I’m on a journey of self-actualization and nothing will hold me back from reaching my full potential.

So, when you see me pushing, achieving, and pushing some more, don’t be surprised. Don’t be taken aback at my tenacity.

Bet on me like I'm betting on myself.

I won't let us down.